When we suffer due to the lack of a loving partner in our lives, there is always someone to say: “You should learn to live without love” or “You have to be self-sufficient,” or “Your happiness should not depend on another person.” Sounds familiar, right? Then we say to ourselves that we are so needy, clinging, dependent and how NON-spiritual all that is on our part … The inner critic opens its big mouth and does not stop blabbering and parroting what other people are telling us. The spiritual circles put more salt in our wounds by stating that one should outgrow their needs and longings, aim for the spiritual, and be free from worldly desires. Let’s look into this topic in some depth though and let me reassure you that if you need a loving man desperately and you feel bad that there is no such in your lives, you are absolutely normal, absolutely spiritual and you meet all criteria to be loved by God and the Universe and to receive the love at last!
The need for love and physical touch is the most authentic human need. We are born with it – the baby wants you to hug and caress it, sing to it and look at it with eyes full of love. It does not just want some milk, a dry nappy and a cover… This is why we are all emotionally hurt, as our need for unconditional love has not been met. It is not that our parents have not loved us or taken care of us. It is just that for generations, the upbringing methods have created the feeling that there are numerous conditions for the love of Mom and Dad. And conditional love always hurts deeply, and this wound remains for all our lives. It is what makes us stop trusting our needs and instincts, it awakens the voice of the inner critic and our self-doubt. The wound of conditional love makes us stop loving ourselves, and when we don’t love ourselves, nobody else can get to love us.
For this reason, if we believe that our need for love is somehow wrong, if we criticize ourselves for needing love too much, we reinforce the lack of love for ourselves. On a vibrational level, this attracts even more loneliness and lack of love in our lives. Thus, our doubt that nobody can love us is confirmed one more time. Here is the vicious circle that we are moving in! Telling you to not need love is like telling you to not need water and air.
The path to love starts with loving ourselves, and this love starts by accepting all our shadow aspects, our personality traits and needs that we are ashamed of or deeply suppress so that no one can see them. As for the spiritual statement that we should overcome our desires, we are far from there yet … If you compare yourselves to Osho, Sadhguru, Petar Danov, or someone else of their ranks, easy on your spiritual ambition! Before enlightenment, we have many stairs to climb and one of them is to develop a healthy ego. To overcome your ego, you need to have it in the first place, and moreover a healthy, rather than a wounded one. We start from the wounded and suppressed ego – our first step is to discover our needs, to fight for our desires, to get angry, to stand our ground, to enjoy through our senses everything earthly and material. Without going through the lower three chakras and healing our ego, we cannot reach the upper chakras – there is no shortcut!!! Before entering the Buddha stage, we need to pass the Rambo stage – I no longer remember where I heard this, but I liked it so much.
So, if you want to tell me now: “Yes Irina but I did everything for love already and it isn’t showing up,” my answer would be: “No, you haven’t done it all.” How do I know? From my own life, and from the lives of the many women I work with. If you don’t trust me, check this out:
Do you wake up every morning before the others to make a visualization for a happy love? Do you say your affirmations on a daily basis to rewrite your negative beliefs? Every day, do you write your lists of gratitude for the love that you already have in your life even if it is not the love of a man? Do you pray, do you trust that love will come? Do you live as though you already have a loving man in your life, or do you postpone all your joy for the time when you meet him? Do you spend most of your day in the higher vibrations of joy, gratitude and compassion, and less time in the lower vibrations of complaining, feeling offended, anxious, and full of self-criticism? Do you accept and respect your mother and father? Did weep over the hurt and lack of understanding from others in your childhood or do you still reflect on which your main wounds are? Do you feel and sense more that you read and analyze? Did you do the practical work from the courses that you bought?
Then, did you do all of that for at least six months, every day? If the answer is NO, just brace yourselves and love will have no choice in the face of such commitment. It will obey you, just believe that you deserve it, because without that you will not have the motivation to go through all that journey, nor will you have the power to appear every day for your part of the assignment.
And I know that you will now play your trump card, and say: “What if I was never meant to find love in this life?” Let me ask you, who would want such fate for you, is it God? The Universe, or some karma? If we love ourselves so much that we want to experience good things, to love and to be loved, then God wants it for us even more. If you believe in a depriving and punishing God, just change your idea of God. If God or your own soul did not find it necessary for you to experience requitted love in this life, you wouldn’t feel the desire for love. Many great people have expressed this in one form or another – whatever we long for in our lives, we have the power and resources to fulfill it! If there are any obstacles and blockages to love, then take a closer look and listen – the Universe is showing them to us every day so that we can clear them up and overcome them.
For many years, I was also fighting my need for love, before I got myself together and stopped any justifications, excuses and rationalizations. If you have read my book Looking for Love … I Found Myself, Then You, you know what I did for love. If I could give you one piece of advice, I would say: “All the effort that you put into fighting your need for love, put it instead into attracting love”! And don’t forget to share the good news with me when it happens. 😊
If you need support in finding love or getting back the harmony and passion in your relationship, check my book 33 Epiphanies About Love HERE!
Yours truly,
Irina
